Fatality
by Kaaatie
Summary: Jane hadn't intended telling Maura how she felt that day. But after Maura&Jane contract a fatal disease Jane ended up telling Maura. Now its Jane's wedding day and she's running away from the bride. Summary kind of sucks, but the story is better in my opinion Rated T, not moving to M. Not related to any of my other fics. Chapter 8 is up. -Complete-
1. Remembering

_**A/N - **Disclaimer - I don't own anything apart from the story line and the quarantine guys!:)_

* * *

Janes POV

As I stand here in the room of my hotel fixing my jacket for the 60th time I remember how I got here. How I ended up stood in a hotel in California with a half an hour till I can walk down the aisle, placed at the center of the beach and get married. It all seems so long ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday...

* * *

I hadn't planned on telling Maura that day. When I woke up that morning, nothing felt different; I woke up from a hot dream with a familiar ache between my legs and the need to a cold shower. Nothing was special about that day, or at least that's what I figured. I got up and headed for a shower, threw my hair back – it'd dry while I drove to work – I grabbed my keys off the counter and felt that familiar excitement of the idea of seeing Maura at work today. I got in my car and drove the short 10 minute drive to the coffee shop, picked up two coffees (A caramel macchiato, non fat of course, for Maura and a latte for myself) I arrived at work pretty quickly and threw my car into a space. I practically jogged to Maura's office, placing the cup on her empty desk. Normally she sits waiting for me in the morning, but on occasion if she's not there I'll wait. Unfortunately it appears the world has other plans for me this morning as my phone rang in my pocket. Frost's goofy face lit up the screen of my phone.  
"Rizzoli.."  
"Jane, its frost"  
"...Well thank you captain obvious."  
Jane heard Frost say something sarcastic back under his breath.  
"...Well Frost? Is there a reason for this call?"  
"Oh, right, yeah. Are you in the morgue?"  
"Yes..."  
"Is the Doc there?"  
As if on cue Maura walked through the morgue doors, I held up a finger then pointed at my phone. She nodded and then smiled when she saw the coffee on her desk and then made some weird hand gesture. (She later informed me it was sign language for 'thank you')  
"Yeah, she just rocked up, why? We got a case?"  
"Sort of...We need you and Maura to go check out a lab downtown, it relates to an old case of Korsaks, I don't really understand, but he wants you two to go check it out..."  
"We looking for anything in particular?"  
"couple things, if you and Maura come up to the bullpen I'll give you guys the file and fill you in..."

With that I hung up. I turned and my eyes met Maura's, I immediately dropped my gaze, then realising that was a little obvious I lifted my eyes to meet hers again. I took in her outfit on the way up. She looked cute in a white dress with a black trim. I noted that she had been wearing a black blazer when she walked in earlier. Finally my eyes met hers and hoping she hadn't noticed my slip I began to speak.  
"Might want to grab your jacket Maur, we're going downtown!"  
With that I turned on my heels and sauntered towards the door, before realising I forgot my coffee. I spun back quickly, only to meet Maura stood behind me with her blazer over her arm and two cups of coffee.  
"Thanks Maur"

* * *

Maura and I were briefed on the old case and knew what we were looking for in the lab. It seemed a few months back there had been a murder and the lab was a new lead, since the old detective that was working the case had left it was now left to Korsak. But of course he figured it'd be a case i would enjoy, he passed it to me. So after an hour and a half of briefing, myself and Maura headed downtown to the lab, picking up more coffee on route of course. Finally we arrived at the lab, nothing seemed too out of place, a couple dodgy looking beakers and some possible murder weapons. After Maura told me for the third time to stop sniffing beakers (In my defence I was pretty certain I could smell Mango from inside the lab) I figured I'd go do some finger print dusting in the other room. All in the entire visit to the lab was relatively successful; we got prints and a few weapons and went back to the station. It wasn't till a couple hours later things turned out worse.

* * *

About 3 hours after we returned from the lab I had to go see Maura. I felt like crap. My head hurt, I felt sick, I was pretty sure I was going to faint. Since we were in the middle of this new lead I thought I'd go see Maura and just see if she could do anything. When I got down to the morgue I couldn't find Maura. Then I heard coughing from the bathroom. I found Maura in there, she looked as bad as I felt.

"Hey Maur" I said. I cursed at myself, I sounded weak.  
"Jane, hi...you might not want to get so close, I seem to have some form of illness. I'm running tests as we speak."  
"Great!"  
Maura looked at me funny.  
"I mean, I'm sick too, if we're both sick with the same thing we can both be treated with the same thing?"  
"I'm still a little confused as to how that would be considered 'great'"  
"Ahh, never mind Maur..."  
I heard a beeping from the other room so I headed in that direction, Maura realised too and promptly followed after me.  
When we arrived in the morgue Maura quickened her pace a little, and made a bee-line for the computer. I, however, waited back and leaned on the table. I was beginning to feel a little faint. I heard a noise outside the door and when I turned I knew I must be sick. There was no way what I was seeing could not be a hallucination. There were four men in blue quarantine suits headed our way.  
"Maur-"  
Maura turned suddenly, I think she heard the panic and fear in my voice  
"Oh" was all she replied.

I watched as two of the men checked the bathroom and other room on the floor, before sealing the doors shut with some kind of tape. The other two men headed for the door to the morgue. One walked into the room and ushered us into Maura's office. The other stayed behind, presumably checking the morgue.  
"Doctor Maura Isles and Detective Jane Rizzoli?" The man questioned.  
"Maybe. Who's asking?" I responded, trying my best to stay calm for Maura, but I still wanted answers.  
Maura nodded her head.  
"Is there anyone else in the room?" he asked, obviously ignoring my comment.  
I glanced around and caught Maura do the same.  
"No?" Maura responded.  
"Right..."  
"Mike, the morgue is clear. The fridges are air sealed but I'll tape them anyway."

I could see Maura beginning to panic out the corner of my eye. I motioned for her to join me on the couch in her office. I was still feeling faint and I had a good idea that this wasn't going to end well.  
"Um. Could you explain what's going on please? I don't appreciate this... especially if this is some kind of drill. I swear, you quarantine guys are all about bloody drills!" I was starting to get a little frustrated with this.  
Finally the other guy joined Mike in Maura's office with us.  
"Detective, I can assure you, this is no drill"  
I watched Maura begin to panic beside me, I reached out my hand and grabbed hers.  
"Detective, Doctor, you went out to a lab this morning, correct?"  
We nodded.

"We had a call after you left, the neighbours suspected something dodgy in the lab for a while, but since they never saw people go in or out, they didn't bother calling to report anything. After they saw you both leave they phoned and we had someone sent down. They recognized some of the chemicals..."  
He kept talking. I knew what he was going to say. We were infected with something. I saw his lips moving, but I wasn't listening. I felt Maura begin to shake beside me.  
"...I'm afraid until we know more the two of you will be locked in here under regular quarantine rules. I'm sure you both know how this works. We will be taping off the area."  
With that Mike and the other guy walked out of the office. I quickly jumped off the couch and followed.  
"Mike..."  
Mike turned to look at me. He waved the other guy to head out.  
"Yes detective?"  
"Is it serious? Whatever we're infected with?"  
"At this moment detective, we cannot confirm one way or the other..."  
"Mike..."  
"Detective, its possible this is nothing serious, but..."  
"But what..."  
"Detective, this stays between me and you, okay?"  
"Yes.."  
Mike looked at me with a face like stone.  
"There is a strong possibility that this disease is..."  
"Is... Is...Is what Mike?"  
"Detective, you know what i'm going to say."  
"Say it Mike..."  
"Jane, there is a strong possibility that what you and Dr isles have, is fatal."  
With that Mike turned, left through the morgue doors and began taping up the doors.

* * *

_**A/N - **Ok, that's the first chapter, I would like to continue this, so let me know if you want me to continue this! Reviews make my world go round!:)_


	2. Running

_**A/N - Disclaimer - apart from storyline and a few characters, I don't own anything!:)**_

_____**Enjoy...:)**_

* * *

I stand here, looking in the mirror, willing myself not to cry. I blink the tears away and hear Ma talking to some family outside. I occupy myself with fixing my hair and checking my phone, but I can't stop my mind drifting back to that day...

* * *

I watch as Mike and the other quarantine guys tape up the entire basement, Mike's words replaying in my head. My legs feel like jelly and I begin to wonder how I'm still standing. I hear Maura coughing in the other room and suddenly I remember I'm not alone in this, I need to be strong, for Maura. I walk into the office and Maura is sat stiffly in the corner of the couch where I left her. She looks as shocked as I feel. She doesn't notice my presence at first. Her eyes are glassy and her mind elsewhere. I step carefully in front of her and kneel to look at her.

"Maur?" My voice sounds weaker than earlier, Maura notices. She becomes more alert and begins to dart her eyes around the room before finally settling on mine. Even with all the panic and shock, when her eyes land on mine it still leaves a funny feeling in my stomach.

"Jane?"

I know she must have seen me watching her.

"Jane, is everything okay? What did Mike say? Have they given a hint as to what they think it is? Although I would usually be opposed to the idea of them treating without an actual confirmation, I may be willing to allow it this time...Jane?"

Maura continues to talk, occasionally stopping to cough, but all I can concentrate on is the funny feeling in my stomach. What started as 'butterflies' was rapidly turning sour. Maura looks at me intently and I struggle to raise my gaze to meet hers.

"Jane, your beginning to go pale, your sweating and..."  
She picks up my hand and holds it at the wrist for a few moments before continuing. "And, your pulse is raised."

I try to concentrate on her holding my hand, I would normally have to control myself at her touching me, but at that moment the room is beginning to spin and I'm starting to shake. Maura drops my hand to cover her mouth and cough. I begin to stand; shakily I grab onto anything near me and walk out of the office. Maura follows me.  
"Jane, please? You're scaring me? What's going on?"

I feel Maura touch my arm and that's it. I rush over to the sink and promptly vomit. I flick the tap and the sink starts to rinse out. I spin round to apologize, but everything keeps spinning once I've stopped and suddenly everything goes black.

* * *

I shiver at the memory of my head hitting the morgue floor. I hear the clock outside begin to chime 10:45am and Pop walks into my room. I can tell he's been crying, but he tries to hide it.

"Okay Janie. This is it. Your bride will be arriving within 10 minutes, let's get you to the front."  
He walks to my side and grabs my arm. I walk shakily past the mirror and catch sight of myself.  
_If Maura could see me right now she'd be so proud..._  
As we walk to the front of the make shift aisle my mind begins to drift again...

* * *

"Jane?"  
Maura's voice begins to coax me back to consciousness.  
"Jane?"  
My eyelids begin to flutter open and immediately my eyes meet Maura's, resulting in a funny feeling once again.  
"Jane, you had a vasovagal episode, I need you to look at me okay?"  
I struggle to keep my eyes open, but eventually it becomes easier and I try to sit up.  
"Whoa! No Jane. Stay put. I'll be right back"  
She rushes off into a corner of the morgue behind me; I can hear her coughing in the distance.  
My head begins to spin again and I struggle to sit up. Maura doesn't notice from the other corner of the room as I stand shakily. I retch and Maura spins round.  
"Jane...what did I say about staying put?"  
She continues to speak, but as I vomit again I don't hear the rest. I flick the tap again once I'm done and then sit back against the cupboard. The cool metal feels surprisingly good against my back. Maura returns as I sit down with mouthwash and a glass of water.  
"Jane, I need to you stand for me? Can you do that?"

I nod weakly at her; I am determined to remain at least a little strong for Maura. I stand and take in Maura's appearance. She looks like crap. She's pale and shaking, her coughing is getting worse and I get the feeling she is starting to lose her voice. She hands me the mouthwash and I wash out my mouth. She starts to pass me the glass but I wave it off.

"Jane..." He voice is weak and quiet. "Jane, you need to drink, to hydrate, its important. I'd think after all the nights out you'd know this by now..."  
I'm glad to see even during this, her slight sense of humour is intact.  
I finally accept the glass of water and walk slowly to the couch in her office. I lie down and fight the urge to sleep, but eventually it becomes too strong and darkness washes over me.

* * *

I'm stood here at the front of the make-shift aisle and thinking back to that day my heart begins to race. I look out and I see my family, current and future, spread across the beach in front of me. I gaze to the side of the beach where the car will arrive. I smirk to myself; _it was her idea for a beach wedding. I think it's tacky, but it's what she wants, and I want her...right?_ I shake my head and try to drop that thought. But I can't. Over the 9 and a half months, ever since that day in the morgue, I can help but think, _do I want this woman? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with her?_

I hear a car in the distance and people turn around to look. My mind flashes with images of my bride in the back. And then it hits me. _I don't want her. I tried to want her, I really tried, but I don't. _While everyone's heads are turned I take my chance and I bolt. I rush off the beach. I hear voices and shock behind me. I run into my room, lock the door and then run for the bathroom. Tears that I have fought for months suddenly stream down my cheeks. I hear a knock at the door and Ma's voice. I wipe my eyes and look at the window. I open it, slip out and run.

* * *

_**Okay, this is a shorter chapter, but I felt it was a good place to end it...I'm hoping/presuming that people will have something to say about that ending.  
**__** Feel free to review/add alert/ favourite ect...now!:)**_


	3. Ruining

_**A/N ****- Disclaimer, don't own anything except Becky and plot line.**_

_Sorry I took so long to update, I spent a while searching for a beta, found one!:) Thanks to Rae D. Magdon for beta-ing this for me.  
Hopefully this will clear up things from the last chapter:)  
So that its clear, Italics in the first half are conversation, in the second half towards the bottom is a flash back. I think its clear, but just in case._

* * *

I find my car within seconds of slipping out the window. I can hear people from the beach questioning what just happened. I reach my car, slip the keys out of my pocket and unlock it. As I'm about to drive off Frost rounds the corner and sees me in my car.

"Jane! What the fuck are you doing?"

I contemplate just driving off and ignoring him, but I know I owe him and my bride better than no explanation.

"Frost, I'm sorry, just tell her I'm sorry... please?"

"Jane, I will, but just tell me what's going on?"

"I just can't. I can't marry her. I don't want her, I tried to, but I don't. I owe her more than a marriage that lasts a few weeks before eventually leading to a divorce. She's given me so much, after everything that happened in the morgue that day...I can't. I'm sorry; tell her I'm sorry, please?"

With that, I shoot Frost an apologetic look and drive. I check my rear-view mirror and watch as my bride gets out of her car. She looks beautiful. Her hair is pulled into a messy bun with a few loose tendrils dangling by her face. Her dress is simple, a surprise to me, given the extravagance of the wedding. She doesn't know yet, she's smiling, expecting to be married within the hour. As I turn the corner I realise that was the first time I saw her in her dress, and most likely the last time I will ever see her.

. . .

I awake to the sound of vomiting in the other room. I sit up suddenly and rush to the door. My vision goes blurry and I feel faint. I hold onto the door and wait for my vision to return to normal. I see Maura over by the sink. I walk up behind her and rub circles on her back until she stands. She flicks the tap and turns to face me.

"Hey there, you feel better?" My voice is still a little sleepy, but she doesn't seem to notice.  
She makes some kind of sign and smiles weakly. I just look at her blankly, waiting for a response.  
She makes the same movements with her hands again. I still don't get it.

She makes a different motion this time, the same she made earlier when she saw her coffee. The penny drops.

"Sign language!"

She nods at me.

"But, why do you need sign language?"

Maura looks at me like I'm stupid and opens her mouth and attempts to speak, but her voice is near gone. I can't make out what she says.

"Ohhhhh..." I fake understanding. She reads me like a book.

Maura continues to look at me, waiting for it.

"What?" I snap, pretending I totally understand her.

She gives me that 'really?' look again. Then she goes to try and speak again. Her voice is barely there, again. Finally I connect the dots. I figure it's the 'disease' making me slow.

"Oh! I see! You're using sign language to talk to me 'cos you lost your voice?"

Maura claps her hands three times slowly, before looking at me for approval.

"Yes, Maur, the sarcastic slow clap is appropriate here."

She beams at me, seeming very proud.

That face makes me weak at the knees. (Not that I'd ever admit that to anyone...)

A loud bang is heard from outside the door. We can't see what happened, but Mike's hand suddenly appears in the window. He gives us thumbs up and then the hand disappears.

Maura coughs violently again, but then gives me a reassuring smile. She reaches out for my hand and in that moment when our hands meet, I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. With clammy palms we walk back into the office. I start to ask her how long she's been awake, but then I realise I don't know sign language so any response she gives me would be useless.

"Err, Maura, I-"

I'm cut off by a ringing sound from the other room, and realise it's my cell. I should have expected a phone call earlier. Maura yawns and points to her couch when I glance at her, so I walk over and pick up my cell. I recognise the number and answer quietly.

"Hi, give me a minute; I just need to fix something"

I walk over to the office door and see Maura relaxed on the couch. She looks nearly asleep, so I pull the door shut and talk properly.

"Hi, Beck, sorry."

_"It's fine. Where are you, though? You said you'd call when you got home? I thought we were going to spend the night together?"_

"I know, Beck, but there's a situation at work, I'm not going to be able to leave... I'm sorry, I am, I know tonight was meant to be special and all, but I honestly can't leave."

"_Why? What's going on?"_

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to worry and to stay away, okay?"

"_Okay... baby, should I be worried? I'll try not to worry, but I need to know you're okay."_

"I'm safe. Maura and I got caught up in some possible disease thing. It's probably harmless, but they want us to stay here for a while. Ya know, to keep an eye on us?"

"_Okay... crap. That was my pager, I have to go, promise you'll text me though? I want to know what's happening."_

"That seems fair, I promise I will. Go kick some surgery's ass!"

_"It's only an appendectomy, nothing too hard... Jane?"_

"Yes?"

_"I know we've only been dating 3 months, but I have to tell you... I love you."_

That is when I catch sight of Maura in the doorway. My mind races. Has she been listening this whole time? Does she know? Maura isn't stupid, she must have figured it out by now. And Beck is still waiting for an answer..._  
_

I am shell-shocked. I don't know what to say. I hadn't meant for this to turn into a relationship, especially not one like this. I have to respond soon, even with Maura standing there. So, stupidly, I say the first thing that comes to mind.

"I love you too, baby. I'll be home soon as possible, and once you've kicked surgical ass, you can show me how much you love me?"  
I don't know how I am managing to flirt and keep from fainting at the same time, but it is done.

I hear Becky chuckle on the other side of the phone. Her pager goes off again and then the phone call is over. The next thing I hear is Maura vomiting... again.

. . .

A little while after Maura has finished emptying her stomach and we've cleaned up, the two of us are in our office. She's quiet; I know she's thinking about the conversation. Her glances in my direction are not that subtle. I'm hoping to avoid the conversation (Or at least the sign language conversation) so I lie back against the arm of the couch and close my eyes. I figure if I look asleep she won't try to get any information from me.

After about 10 minutes I hear her get up and walk out of the room, at this point I'm fighting hard not to fall asleep for real. I hear her come back and place a glass on her desk. I suddenly feel her beside me and it takes all my strength not to react. She watches me for a while, and as I begin to lose the fight to stay awake I feel her fingers graze my face. She stays beside me for a while, watching me 'sleep' and eventually I lose the fight and sleep for real.

. . .

I think back on that day as I drive along a familiar route in my old car, remembering all of the mistakes I made and wishing I could have done things differently. That wasn't how I wanted Maura to find out about Becky. Maura knew I was attracted to women as well, but Maura hadn't ever known me to be in a relationship with one. I'm on autopilot now, and I let my mind wander to my first meeting with Becky...

. . .

_I told myself I'd never visit a lesbian bar. I figured if I wanted to pick up a chick, I could do it on my own territory. But I have been in love with Maura for months now, and since that isn't going anywhere, I am out in search of an unknown town, an unknown girl, and a simple physical release. That is all I want. _

_I pull up outside of a club I heard of from a few other girls and got out of my car. When I notice the line out front, I shift my jacket to the side and flash the bouncer my badge. There is no way I'm waiting in line. _

_I slip easily into the club, and to my surprise, I immediately attract attention, but it's an hour before anyone actually approaches me. I am sitting alone at the bar, downing beers like apple juice when a woman comes up to me. She seems nice, and so I decide to let her chat me up a little._

_Eventually, we both get bored of playing the game, and she invites me to her place. I agree, figuring I can catch a cab back the next morning for my car. When we get outside, the wind changes and almost knocks me straight off my feet. She catches me and I apologize.  
_

"_Sorry, too much to drink I reckon..." I smile sheepishly.  
_

"_It's fine... err... sorry, I don't think we exchanged names in there. I'm Becky..."  
_

_It takes me a couple of moments to realise I am supposed to tell her my name.  
_

"_Sorry, I'm Jane."  
_

_She smiles and then leans forward to hail a cab. It stops and we get in. _

_The drive to her house is short, maybe 10 minutes. We stop at a nice enough house, nothing too fancy, not like Maura's. We get into the house, it's a little awkward, but we both know where this is heading. We both know how this goes. She offers me a drink, I decline. We start off making out on her couch, eventually clothes are removed and things become more heated. 2 hours later I'm back on the streets looking for a cab. From the strange look Becky gives me I figure most people stay the night after, but I just got my stuff and left. No information other than names was shared. It wasn't complicated. There were no expectations, feelings, or regrets. It was just one time and it was just sex. Or, so I figured. _

_A couple of days later, I'm craving release again. Being around Maura all the time without being able to touch her, to kiss her, to love her, is killing me. I could always just go home and get my release on my own, but somehow it's just not the same. I head down to the same club, order a drink, and the rest just falls into place._

_Becky sits down next to me before realising who I am. We both know how good the other night was, so after a couple drinks we head back to her place._

The two of us get together more often, and eventually it starts to look like a relationship. I don't really know how it got there, but I let it happen. She wasn't Maura, but she looked like Maura, and she was a doctor, so I thought maybe I could settle for this. I figured if I let myself get close to Becky, I'd eventually get over Maura.

. . .

So, here I am, driving away from a wedding; from a happy life, a happy woman, a loving woman. I'm driving through the dangerous part of the city; I'm driving towards uncertainty, possible regrets and hurt. I'm leaving a perfectly good woman on her wedding day. I'm driving away from a certain future, towards a possibly painful one. I'm driving towards Maura.

* * *

_**A/N** - Hope this was okay, if you liked it, you know what to do?:)  
(Or, I should hope you do? :P )_


	4. Rushing

**A/N - **disclaimer - I don't own anything except Mike and the plot line:)

Sorry for the wait between chapters, I haven't forgotten this fic I promise, thanks for being patient!:)

Although I think its clear, _Italics are thoughts. _

* * *

**Chapter Four:**

I wake slowly, and can't help coughing as I sit up.

Damn it.

I had hoped I wouldn't end up with a cough, the cough means another shared symptom with

Maura. Another thing to suggest we both have some life threatening disease. My head is pounding, my throat is dry, I'm nauseous and I ache everywhere. I swing my legs slowly round and onto the floor and wait for the room to stop spinning before I look for Maura.

When I don't see her, I stand and grab for something to steady me. I clumsily walk a few paces, but a wave of nausea hits me and I sway against the door. I hear coughing from the other room and stumble forward again, trying to steady myself enough to scan the room. Maura is huddled a corner. She's pale and sweating. She coughs again, more violently this time. I don't think she's even aware I'm in the room, but I walk towards her, gripping onto cool, metal tables across the way to keep myself from falling.

I finally get near to her. She still doesn't look up.

"Maur?"

She flinches when I say her name.

"Maura?" I say her name a little more insistently this time.

She covers her mouth again before coughing violently. I wait a moment and finally she looks up. I wish she hadn't. The person that looks up at me can't be Maura. Can't be my Maura. The woman who looks up at me is pale and her face drawn. This woman is shaking, sweating, her eyes are bloodshot and outlined by dark circles underneath. She notes the shock on my face and quickly recoils back to having her head on her knees.

I walk forward the next couple paces until I am finally by her side. I place my hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Maur."

I'm not really sure what it is I'm apologizing for. Still, it does the trick and finally her eyes meet mine. Now I'm close enough to see she's been crying. I'm also close enough to see the blood stained lips.

My gaze goes from her lips to her hand. She must have watched my eyes because as soon as her hands come into focus she quickly closes her palm. I glance around for one of the tissues she was coughing in. My eyes don't find any. I look at her, hoping the concern is clear in my eyes.

"Maur..." I start, but my speech is cut off by her cough. She coughs into the crook of her elbow, presumably to avoid opening her hand. However, her plan didn't work and my suspicion was proved correct. A small, but noticeable patch of red appeared on her earlier pristine lab coat.

She notices it and immediately moves her arm to shield the spot. She then looks up at me, the pain suddenly clear in her eyes.

"Maura? How long?"

She holds up 3 fingers. I'm lost.

"3 minutes? 30 minutes?"

She glances at the clock, then back at me. She holds 3 fingers up again. I'm still lost.

"It must have been more than 3 minutes, Maura. Don't try to fool me."

She sighs at me. This time she holds up 1 finger, then 8, then makes a 0 with her fingers.

"1? 8? 0?"

I go over and over it in my head. I'm trying to work out what those numbers have to do with 3. Finally it hits me.

"3 hours," I say quietly.

"3 hours?" I question, a little louder this time.

As the realization hits me I begin to feel the shock, panic and anger mix together.

"3 HOURS?" It's more of a statement this time.

I push away from Maura. I grab the nearest table and stand.

"You've been coughing blood for 3 hours and you just thought you'd keep that from me?"

Maura looks at me, the fear and pain gone from her eyes. Replaced by anger.

She signs something at me, the frustration clear.

"I can't fucking sign, Maura. Not everyone knows a million languages like you!"

Maura stand shakily. She moves toward me, as though to slap me, but stops halfway. She coughs, more violently than I've heard before. She reaches into her pocket and grabs a tissue or something. She continues coughing; it doesn't take long for the blood to stain through.

In a moment of horror and panic my anger is forgotten. She stops coughing for a moment; her eyes are more bloodshot, her lips stained. She's shaking worse now and the sweat runs down her face. She sways and her face goes blank. I reach out to steady her but she falls before I can reach her.

I'm down on the floor beside her in seconds.

"Maura?"

She doesn't open her eyes.

"Maura?"

Still nothing.

"Maura!" I'm shaking her now, trying to get her to wake up. There are tears building in my eyes. I let them fall.

"Maura, please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it."

She's not coming around.

I hear something at the other end of the room. Mike is taking the tape off the door. His suit is gone.

"Maura? You need to wake up now, Mike is here, he's coming for us."

Mike finally gets all the tape away from the door. He motions for people to follow him. Suddenly there are so many people in the room. People are moving around carrying stretchers. They're coming towards us. I grab onto Maura's hand tightly.

People start fussing Maura and I'm dragged away from her.

"No! You have to let me stay with her!"

Mike has his arms around me.

"Detective Rizzoli, you need to let them do their jobs. They need to get her out of here; you can come with us, but separately. It seems Dr Isles' condition is worse than yours."

I can hear him but his words don't make sense, his words just noise in the background. I continue struggling to get to her.

Tears are falling freely from my face now. Through the haze I don't notice her start to come around.

Suddenly there are several more people around me and when I finally get to see where Maura was last, she's gone. I see them walking out the back with her on a stretcher and rush after them. I stumble but manage to stay upright.

I follow them out the back entrance and the sudden daylight blinds me. I see them putting Maura into the back of an ambulance.

I struggle against the people dragging me back.

"Jane, you can't go with her!"

"I have to! I have to make sure she's okay? She has to be okay, she has to be! I need to tell her I love her..."

"You can tell her at the hospital, you can see her when we get there."

I don't know whose arms are wrapped around me. I don't know who got me in the ambulance. I don't feel them put the needle in my arm and I don't see the darkness coming, but it falls over me easily and eventually I fall into the waiting arms of an EMT.

* * *

I pull up Maura's road and her house slowly comes into view. I park outside and look at her house. It's been a while since I was last here.

Walking up her path, I realise I don't know how to enter anymore. The last time I was there I just walked in. For years I just walked in, but now walking in seems too personal, too friendly, like I belong there.

I think back to the last time I was there, walking through the door, yelling hello, helping myself to a beer. Today's visit is probably going to be forced and civil. It won't be relaxed or easy and I know as I raise my hand to knock that coming back will probably make things worse.

I knock sharply three times and step back. The door swings open to reveal a rather dishevelled Maura. Somehow even in a robe, her hair tied back and makeup smudged, she's still so beautiful. I offer a weak smile but I'm met with silence. She walks away from the door and into the house. I enter the house and shut the door behind myself.

I notice Maura quickly sweeping tissues from the table and removing wine bottles to the kitchen. I pretend not to notice. I wait patiently for a few minutes in her hallway till she returns, her robe gone and hair loose now.

"So, do you want to tell me why you aren't at your wedding right now?"

I snap my head up at the sound of her voice.

_Crap. Crap. I didn't think this far ahead. What am I meant to say? 'Oh yeah, just ditched my fiancé at the altar for you. Yep, turns out I can't marry her, 'cause I'm in love with you. Wait, that part might work. No, she wouldn't like a rushed declaration of love... would she? Shit. She's looking at me. Maura, I think- wait, out loud!_

"Maura, I think... well, what I mean is... I, um... yeah... right, so... fuck."

"Language, Jane."

I'm sure there's a small smirk on her face, buts it's gone too quickly.

"Maura, I'm here because I left Beck... at the altar..."

_... for you. It's that simple, Rizzoli, just say it. Say it!_

I don't. I can't. Realization suddenly slaps me. I'm standing in Maura's hallway, but I don't know anything about her life anymore. It's been 9 months since we spoke.

I turn to leave. It seems Maura has nothing to say about this situation. I reach the door and go for the handle.

"Why? Why now, Jane?"

I spin and look at her.

"What?"

"Why today Jane? Why wait 8 months to leave her? To come here? You had 8 months to leave her. Why wait till your wedding day to leave her? And why come here?"

I stand there, hand on the door. I could leave, I know I could. But I did that once, I can't do it to her again. I can't get this close to telling her again and leave... can I?

* * *

There are lights all around me. I can hear voices, shouting, yelling for blood. I open my eyes and blink until things become clear. There are people fussing around me, placing IV's and checking me over. I notice an EMT on the other side of the room. He's stood just inside the curtain so all I can see is the side of his face, I can't see the patient.

Is it her? Is it Maura? It has to be right?

I start to get up, but someone pushes me back down. I try again, but I'm pushed back a second time. "Detective, you have to stay still until we're finished. Then we're going to move you to another room."

The EMT shakes his head.

"Dammit," I see him say.

Then I hear it.

"Time of death, 4:04 pm."

I lay there, silent. My vision blurs and tears fall quickly down my face. I struggle to get up, but I'm pushed down again. Tears keep falling and eventually things go black.

I wake a little while later in a hospital bed facing a wall. I lay there, silent, numb. I can hear Ma outside talking to the doctors. They're talking about when Ma can come in. I'm relieved when the doctor says it'll be a couple hours.

I picture Maura, everything about her.

_She was so beautiful. She was perfect. Tears slip down my face as I remember her. I don't think I'll ever get over her. I never even got to tell her I loved her. I don't know if I can do this without her. I know I'll have to, but I don't know how. _

I don't notice how loud my sobbing gets until someone behind me clears their throat.

I stiffen at the noise and wipe my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I thought I was alone."

I don't bother turning around.

"Why would you be alone Jane? You know I'd never leave you..."

When Maura's voice fills the room I sit up immediately. I turn to look at her. She's laid on her back, her face pale and obscured by an oxygen mask sitting to the side so she can speak. Her eyes are closed, but I know she is still awake.

I stare at her for a few moments. She opens her eyes and looks at me.

"Maura?"

"Yes Jane?"

"Am I dead?"

She looks at me like I'm crazy.

"What?"

"Well, I heard them say... they said time of death... The EMT that treated you, he was there. They said time of death..." I speak quietly, my voice thick with tears.

"I didn't die, Jane, if that's what you're getting at, and neither did you."

"So... who?"

"Probably another patient. Could have been anyone."

I watch her close her eyes again. Then I realize something.

"Wait, you can talk again? Are you still coughing up blood? Do they-"

Maura cuts me off. "Yes, no and before you ask, yes, they do know what it was. I was in and out of consciousness when they were discussing things earlier so I don't remember the name of the disease. It's not fatal and we will get better. We should be released in about a week."

"Oh."

I yawn quietly. I don't want her to know I'm tired. She'll make me sleep, and I just want to watch her, commit every freckle to memory. I can't lose her.

I can't tell her. If I tell her and she doesn't feel the same things won't be the same. If she leaves, or we never talk again, I don't how I'll survive losing her again. I can't tell her. Even as a friend, it's better than losing her again. I'll make do with Beck. She's nice, I guess.

Eventually, Maura's breathing evens out. She's fallen asleep. Slowly, I lay back down and allow myself to sleep, safe in the knowledge she'll be here when I wake. Right?

* * *

A/N _- Okay, hope that was okay, reviews are awesome ect. :)_


	5. Recalling

_**A/N - Disclaimer- I don't own anything except a couple characters and plot.**_

_Okay, so this chapter is all Maura's POV because I felt for the story to continue I needed to give Maura's side of things._

_Also, I used some medical stuff in this chapter, and although I researched it and my beta checked it, I am not that good with medical stuff and most of my knowledge comes from google and Grey's anatomy/House, so feel free to point out any mistakes so they can be sorted!:)_

* * *

Maura's POV

I was standing in the hallway when Angela told me. I should have seen it coming, but for some idiotic reason, I hoped it wouldn't happen. Every day since the morgue, I hoped. I knew that Jane was with Beck, but I heard her. I _heard_ her tell the EMT's she loved me. So I hoped.

But when Angela came running in with the invite, I felt my world crumbling. Of course I'd heard about the engagement, but somehow I convinced myself it was a rumour. Angela ran in with hers in hand, tears on her face. She was so happy for her daughter, finally settling down. And with a doctor! That was all that mattered to Angela.

I remember picking up the mail while Angela sat in my kitchen, talking excitedly. I remember seeing the cream envelope with my name and address in Jane's signature scrawl. I remember turning to Angela and explaining that I wasn't feeling well, (which was not exactly a lie). Thankfully, she left. I took my phone off the hook and turned off my cell. I moved silently to the couch with the invite still in my hand. I don't recall the exact moment I started crying, nor do I remember when I stopped crying and finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

And now I'm lying in the exact same place, eight months later. The day of her wedding. The coffee table is covered in wine glasses and tissues. Apart from this room, the house is bare. I haven't eaten in days and Bass is gone. My bags are packed, but I can't bring myself to leave this couch.

* * *

I wake suddenly to the sound of someone crying softly. I immediately panic until my I look to my left and see a very familiar figure lying on the bed across the room. The feeling of relief doesn't last long when I realize that the crying is coming from Jane. I quickly clear my throat and she stiffens before wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I thought I was alone." Her voice makes me feel warm inside. I hope she'll turn around and look at me, but she doesn't.

Eventually, I find the right words and speak. "Why would you be alone, Jane? You know I'd never leave you..."

I have closed my eyes by this point, but I hear Jane turn round to face me. I feel her eyes on me. Once she's watched me for a few moments I open my eyes and find hers.

"Maura?"

"Yes Jane?"

"Am I dead?"

I wait for a moment, but her face stays serious, so I look at her like she's crazy. "What?" I can hear the confusion in my own voice.

"Well, I heard them say... they said time of death... The EMT that treated you, he was there. They said time of death..." She speaks quietly, her voice thick with tears.

"I didn't die, Jane, if that's what you're getting at, and neither did you."

"So... who?"

"Probably another patient. Could have been anyone."

I close my eyes again, the remainder of the anaesthetic drawing me under slowly.

Jane's voice brings me back.

"Wait, you can talk again? Are you still coughing up blood? Do they-"

I know where she's going with this, so I cut her off and answer everything without even opening my eyes.

"Yes, no, and before you ask, yes, they do know what it was. I was in and out of consciousness when they were discussing things earlier, so I don't remember the name of the disease. It's not fatal and we will get better. We should be released in about a week."

"Oh."

I hear her yawn quietly. Eventually, as I predicted, the anaesthetic draws me back into sleep, so I don't get to ask Jane anything.

* * *

A couple of hours later, I'm awoken by a stabbing pain in my chest. I try to ignore it; it's probably just the medication to counteract this disease. Over about 20 minutes, it becomes slowly worse to the point that I'm hunched up on my side with tears in my eyes. I finally reach for the nurse's button, but I overstretch and pain tears through me. Tears fall and I wipe my face, only to draw back with blood on my hand. I spot a nurse outside who looks at me and her eyes go wide. That's the last thing I see before I pass out again.

* * *

I wake again, but slowly this time, gradually getting used to the light and sounds. I turn to look for Jane, but I'm not in her room anymore. This room is new, and I'm alone. I try to sit up, but something feels wrong. I turn for the nurse's button again, but I'm stopped when a doctor walks into the room.

"Ah, Doctor Isles, good morning. How're you feeling now?"

"Better, what's going on? Where am I? What happened?"

"All in good time Doctor Isles. Firstly I'm Doctor Higgins, I'll be over seeing your case from now on. Your surgeon Doctor Stewart will be through soon. He's going to run through what happened in your surgery and then I'll go through the rest of your stay."

I was refused the opportunity to ask any more questions because a new Doctor walked through the door.

"Dr. Isles, good to see you're awake again. Now, let's get right to it. I'm Dr. Stewart, and I performed your surgery. It was fairly simple, esophageal tear due to excessive violent vomiting and coughing. I repaired the tear and you should be just fine, everything considered. Dr. Higgins will run through the rest of your treatment unless anything surgical comes up. Other than that, I think I'm done here. Any questions?"  
The Doctor waited about 3 seconds before continuing."Great, then we're done, goodbye."

And with that, he was gone.

I lay there for a moment, trying to wrap my head around all the information that was just given to me. Doctor Higgins ran through the rest of treatment rather quickly, but I honestly wasn't paying that much attention. My thoughts kept drifting back to Jane. Things from the morgue were starting to come back to me.

_I remember being picked up off the morgue floor by strong arms. They put me on a stretcher and carried me to ambulance. I remember Jane shouting something. I remember them finally putting me in the ambulance. Jane kept shouting...why can't I remember what she was shouting? _

"Doctor Isles? Are you okay?"

Doctor Higgins' voice was suddenly a lot more prominent.

"Oh, yes, a little tired I guess. I'm sorry, please continue."

"Oh, I'm done. If you didn't catch any of that, it's all in your chart. I'm sure you'll want to have a glance at that later. Now, if you don't have any questions, I'm afraid I have other patients to get to."

"Oh, that's fine. But, before you go I do have one question?"

"Go for it."

"Why, if it was just a simple esophageal tear, was there blood on my face?"

"Ah yes, I'd forgotten about that. Just a simple nosebleed caused by stress. Probably nothing to worry about."

"Oh, okay. Thanks"

"Right. Well, I'll be back when the Nurses move you back to your old room in a couple of hours to check on you and Jane, I'll see you then." He shot a warm smile in my direction and left, closing the sliding door behind him.

I tried to relax after that, to keep my thoughts from straying back to the morgue, but I couldn't drop it. It probably wasn't important what Jane said.

_But why can't I remember what it was? It must be important, otherwise I wouldn't be so fixated on it. Okay, just think back. I was lying on the stretcher as they placed me in the ambulance. Jane ran out after us. I remember them telling her she couldn't come with us. She said something back. Something about having to make sure I was okay? Was that it? _

And then it hits me. Suddenly, Jane's words are clear in my head. It's like I can I hear her saying them again.

"_**I have to! I have to make sure she's okay. She has to be okay, she has to be! I need to tell her I love her..."**_

_She loves me? She needs me to be okay? But she loves me? And she needs to tell me she loves me?_

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by nurses coming into my room to take me back to Jane, and I'm suddenly terrified.

_What if she doesn't mean it like that? What if it was in the heat of the moment? What if she was just scared? _

And then, finally, I allow myself to ask myself the question I've wanted to ask for months.

_What if that means she loves me back?_

* * *

Two weeks later, I find myself standing at Jane's door. We've both been out of the hospital for a week now, but we haven't seen each other. Jane's family has crowded her and my parents flew in from London to see me. They flew back again last night. Apparently, they're travelling to a city in the UK for a big art show. I've always known art was important to my mother, but more important than me? That I never would have guessed.

But still, here I am, knocking on Jane's door. I step back after knocking and wait. I wait longer and knock again. I try again a third time and finally Jane throws open the door.

"What?" Her words are breathless, but angry and frustrated. I can tell I've interrupted something. Her state of undress tells me exactly what I've interrupted, although her eyes soften when she realizes I'm at the door.

"Oh, Jane, I'm sorry. I'll come back another time?"

"No!" she says a bit too quickly. "I mean, no, it's not a problem. I've just got someone over is all. I can ask them to leave if it's important." Jane sees I'm torn between leaving and staying. She makes the decision for me. "Come on, sit down. I'll just be two seconds." She gestures me through the door, shuts it, and walks off to her bedroom.

_Oh. I knew she was 'busy' but I didn't know they'd gotten as far as the bedroom. Maybe I should go? Yeah, that's probably best._

I turn to leave, but I hear voices from down the hall getting louder, loud enough to make out what they are saying. "It's fine, Jane, honest!"

"Are you sure? She just looked a little lost is all, her parents flew back to the UK again last night and I think she could use a friend right now."

I can hear them getting closer to the kitchen, so I quickly sit on the couch, facing away from them. "Honestly, Jane, it's totally fine!"

"Great, I'll call you at some point, probably in the morning once she's left?"

"Okay, baby -"At this point I hear the woman specifically lower her voice. She assumes I can't hear her. "You know, Jane, It's a good job I trust you and know she's straight, or I'd be getting jealous."

I heard Jane slap her lightly across the shoulder.

"Haha. I love you, too." I can hear the smirk in her voice.

I watch as Jane lets Beck out, trying not to get angry or jealous when they kiss. When the door finally shut, I sit silently. "So, what's up, Maur? You seemed pretty lost out there."

"Me? Oh... I..."

_What did I come here for? _

"Yeah, Maur. You?"

"Just to chat, I guess"

"Oh. I thought there was something wrong, hence why I kicked Beck out?"

_Beck... that was Beck. Of course it was. Jane's girlfriend. I shouldn't have come here. She has a girlfriend, whether she says she loves me or not, she has a girlfriend. And they both think I'm straight. Why did I come here? I have to go._

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come over. I should probably go."

I get up to leave, but Jane stops me.

"Why would you have to leave? I invited you in. Beck's already gone, so we may as well order in and make the best of the evening?"

Jane's moving around, trying to find her phone to order take out and acting like everything is fine. And I know right then why I'm there. Because I can't lose her. So maybe I can just make do with friendship. Maybe that's for the best.

Jane finds her phone and thrusts it into the air triumphantly. I give her a weak smile and returns her signature smile.

Somehow that smile makes everything seem okay. It gives me butterflies and makes the world seem safer.

_I'd give anything to wake up next to that everyday. Make do with friendship? No, I don't think that's possible anymore. _

* * *

_**A/N** - I'm not a massive fan of how this chapter ended, because I feel like it didn't really end? But, I didn't have the time or the words to write anymore after that. _

_I have decided how I want the story to progress and I literally just finished school for 10 weeks, so I should have more time to write, so hopefully (!) I can write more chapters! (Don't hold me to it though?) _

_Thanks for reading, reviews literally make my world go round!:D_


	6. Regretting

**A/N - Disclaimer, besides plot line and Beck, I don't own a thing.**

_And we're back!:) Thanks so much to the people that stuck around, that offered support, and were just generally nice. Oh, and thanks to the new people that were willing to overlook the problem and add story alert too!:)_

_I also went back and changed the chapters, in case any of you are new, didn't read my last A/N, or ignored it (I won't hold you to it, I know my constant A/N's must have got annoying, sorry) then you can go back and re-read the story. Or you can ignore the slight changes, they are only minor time changes. _

_I hope you guys will enjoy this chapter and I will have more to say at the end._

_Also, Italics are thoughts or flashbacks, although I think its clear if you have any problems or can suggest how to improve, do let me know?:)_

* * *

Jane's POV

(Starts in Jane's wedding day, standing in Maura's kitchen.)

"You don't get to leave!"

I drop the door handle like it burnt my hand and spin around to look at Maura.

"You don't get to leave me again. You don't get to come into my house on your wedding day, tell me you left your bride, and leave. Not again."

For a moment, I'm confused. Then it hits me.

_The last time I was in her house, 8 months ago. One week after she visited me for the first time outside the hospital. The day I told her Beck might propose._

* * *

I sat next to Beck on the picnic blanket by the water. I was speechless. She sat there with the biggest smile and the ring box in her hand. Admittedly, this situation might have been easier had I not already seen the ring and spoken to Maura about it. Well, _fought _with Maura might be a better way to put it. I heard Beck make a slightly awkward cough and I snapped my head up to look at her.

"Beck, I don't know what to say, I'm stunned..."

"I know, but after the last few weeks, I thought I might lose you! I don't want to go through that again. The doctors at the hospital wouldn't even let me near you because I'm not family! I don't want that again. I know it's soon, but I don't want to spend more time not being your family. If it's too soon, tell me and I'll-"

I cut her off the only way I knew how.

I pressed my lips to her suddenly, muttering "yes" repeatedly into the kiss. I needed her to shut up. If she kept talking, I'd only be more convinced to say no, and for everyone's sakes I needed this. I needed to love her and get over Maura. So I said yes.

The rest of the evening was a blur. We collected our stuff, rushed home, and climbed in bed together for the rest of the night.

* * *

I woke up the next morning and turned over to find Beck. My hand brushed up against paper instead of a warm body.

_Good morning beautiful,_

_I'm so not impressed that the first morning you wake as my fiancée you won't be in my arms.  
Unfortunately, it's now 4:08am and I've just been paged. You seem fairly deep in sleep, I must have tired you out last night? Anyway, text me when you wake up and go have fun today. You've only got a couple more days of leave left, so go out today and tell your Mom, and Maura! Be back by 6pm though? I've got a few surprises in store for my fiancée!_

_I love you._

_Yours forever,  
Rebecca King _

_P.S. we should chat about that, Rebecca Rizzoli or Jane King? I think I prefer Rebecca Rizzoli but I want your input!_

_Xxx_

I checked the clock and saw that it was just after 11 am. Normally, I hated sleeping late; I always find there are never enough hours in a day. But today, I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to tell Ma. She would just cry and want to pick dresses. I couldn't tell Maura. We hadn't spoken since the day of the fight. Even if Maura opened the door and talked to me, I wasn't sure I had the nerve to go to her place. I didn't think I would ever be able to forgive myself for that fight. Not only did I lose the woman I loved, I lost my best friend.

I think back on that day, about what I could have done differently or how I could change things...

_I walked up to Maura's door and considered knocking for about three seconds. Eventually, I pushed the door and it swung open. I sighed and rolled my eyes._

_"Maura! What have I told you about locking the freakin' door?" I yelled as I walked into the kitchen and immediately went to the fridge to grab a beer._

_It was only when I walked back into the hall without opening my beer that I noticed Maura still hadn't responded. I grabbed my gun from the holster by my side and went through the house. It was only as I neared her room that I heard running water. _

'_She went in the shower without locking the door? I'll kill her.' I thought as I walked toward the bathroom door. I knocked three times, one after the other, waited a beat, and tapped again. My signature knock. _

_As I expected a few seconds later I heard the door of the shower open followed by, "Jane? I'll be five minutes, there's beer in the fridge if you haven't already got one." Instead of responding, I smirked, twisted the lid off my bottle, and tapped it against the door. I heard Maura laugh slightly before yelling, "Go downstairs, Jane! Unless you want to see me in just a towel?" I could hear she was joking, but it still didn't stop the consideration or fantasizing that happened. _

_Ten minutes later, Maura padded down the stairs in little silk shorts and a white tank top. It was all I could do not to drool and stare. She walked in to the kitchen and returned a few moments later with a glass and a bottle of wine. She poured herself a glass and sat down next to me. After she took an unusually large sip of wine, she turned to me. "So, Chinese, pizza, or I can make something?" She smiled at me briefly, but it was gone pretty quickly._

_It was then that I noticed something was off. Something about Maura seemed wrong, the conversation and normal banter was gone. Normally, several insults would have been thrown by now. My current clothing would have been insulted, my beer questioned, and Chinese or Pizza wouldn't be offered straight away. I met Maura's eyes, which were looking at me questioningly, and I decided to ignore this 'awkward' thing, whatever it was and continue on with the evening as best I could. _

_It was about an hour and a half later when I finally decided to say something. I'd been sitting on the sofa in my normal place, but Maura wasn't sitting anywhere near as close as she usually did. She kept glancing at me every so often and opening her mouth like she wanted to say something. Every time she did, though, she would think better of it, close her mouth, and turn away, slowly chewing her lip. _

_I grabbed the remote and paused the film before turning to look at her."Okay, just ask. Whatever it is, just go for it."_

_Maura's face was immediately one of panic. After she took a second to compose herself, she spoke. "What do you mean Jane?"_

"_You, you keep looking at me, and opening and closing your mouth like a fish! Seriously, I can tell there is something on your mind, so just go for it! Whatever you want to ask me, do it!"_

_Maura seemed to consider her response for a moment._

"_Are you calling me a fish, Jane?" She asked, trying to evade the question, but I was not having any of it._

"_No. Seriously, I'm not dropping this, it's obviously important."_

_Maura chewed on her lip for a little longer, still wanting to avoid the conversation, so I tried a different approach. "Okay, is it something to do with my clothes?"_

_Maura smiled, but ultimately shook her head._

"_Does it have anything to do with the day in the morgue? Are you not feeling well?"_

_She looked thoughtful for a moment, opened her mouth, and then apparently decided against. She shook her head again._

"_So, it relates to the morgue, but has nothing to do with the disease?" She nodded. Then it hit me. We still hadn't properly discussed Beck. Last week, the conversation was ignored. _

"_Maura, does this have something to do with Beck?"_

_Maura looked at me, stunned, before putting her glass down and walking away from where we had been sitting. "Look, Jane, I think its best you don't ask any more questions. I don't particularly want to talk about this tonight."_

_She looked at me, her eyes pleading, but in the end, I knew if I didn't push tonight, we'd never discuss this. _

"_Maura, you know I like women, so that's not it..." I trailed off and thought for a moment. I couldn't work out what the problem was._

"_Maura, what exactly is the problem with Beck?"_

"_I don't want to say. I think I might go to bed. Maybe you should go." Her tone signalled that she wanted this conversation to be over, but she didn't move from her spot._

"_Maura... what is the problem with Beck?"_

_"Jane, I..."_

_"Maur__a."_

_"I don't like her or the relationship." Judging by the look on Maura's face, she hadn't meant it to come out like that. "Jane, I'm sorry. What I meant was-"_

_"You don't like her? You've never even said two words to her!"_

_"No, Jane, that's not what I mean..."_

_I stood up staring directly at her. She wasn't my girlfriend, what right did she have to judge who I dated._

_"Well, what did you mean?"_

_She stood quietly for a moment before speaking. "I don't really know...I'm sorry, Jane. This isn't how things are supposed to go"_

"_This isn't how things are supposed to go? What 'things' Maura? "_

_"Jane, please, I can't explain this now. Not like this."_

"_Well, you're gonna have to, Maura. You can't say that and then not explain? So, what don't you like? Beck? The relationship? "_

"_I don't like the relationship with Beck..."_

"_Good job I found my engagement ring today, then, isn't it..." I responded under my breath. _

_I hadn't meant for her to hear it, but Maura recoiled like she'd been slapped. "You're going to marry her?" She sounded disgusted by the idea._

_I looked up at Maura, her face a mixture of shock, pain and anger._

_Before I could even think about what I was saying, words spilled out._

"_If she asks, I think I will say yes. But what right do you have to be disgusted by that? If you wanted me, you could have had me. I basically threw myself at y–" I cut myself off by clamping a hand over my mouth. I couldn't believe I just said that. _

_I grabbed my jacket and rushed toward the door. She didn't follow me. I reached my car and drove home. I ignored the phone calls, refused to answer the knock at the door, and ignored the letter shoved under it I found a bottle of whisky at the back of my cupboard and drank until I nearly fell asleep on the couch. Even the sound of the bottle smashing against the floor didn't reach my ears. Slowly, I got up and stumbled toward my room, barely making it to my bed before I passed out._

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**_A/N - _**_well, hope you liked that, since I made you guys wait like, forever for it. I've got the next chapter written and beta'd and I'm like 90% sure you guys will like the next one. I'll upload it either tomorrow morning or evening, dependent on when I get time. Also, this story is coming to an end, just so you all know, there will be the next chapter and one more. _

_Okay, I think that's everything. Hope you enjoyed, if you did review box/story alert ect. is like, down a bit. (Hint, hint) Okay, I'll go now. :) _


	7. Reconciling

_**A/N - Disclaimer, besides Beck and the plot line, I don't own anything.**_

_****Okay so, this is a short one, because I was going to add it on the end of the last one, but I couldn't have the chapter finished in time to upload last night, so new short chapter today!:) _

_Enjoy!:) _

* * *

Now I'm standing in her hallway, looking between her and the door like I could actually walk out of it. I know I couldn't actually walk out on her again, and a part of me thinks she knows it too. Over the past nine and a half months, I've walked out on her enough times. Ignored her too many times. Screened her calls one too many times. We're both tired of playing this game. Pretending this can go on. _Or at least I am._

"If you leave again, Jane, I won't hang around this time. God knows why I waited this time. I won't put myself through this again. So tell me right now what you're doing here and what you want or I'll make the decision myself and kick you out."

The anger in Maura's voice startles me, and I step back unconsciously.

"Maura... I don't know what to say here. I'm meant to be getting married right now... My bride is there, waiting for me..." I let my voice trail off, as though the repercussions of my actions are only now sinking in.

Maura is looking at me, silently urging me to continue.

"I left her because I didn't want her..."

_What am I so Goddamn scared of?_ I think._ Come on, Rizzoli. You broke a chair over the head of a meth crazed gang banger; you can tell her how you feel._

I closed my eyes, as if I couldn't bear to watch what would happen next.

"Maura, I left Beck at the Altar because I don't want her. I want you..."

I waited, expecting a slap, or screaming and crying. I expected anything except what I got.

"I know."

I snapped my head up, my eyes flying open to meet Maura's.

"You know?"

"I know, Jane."

I shake my head.

"You know? So, you know?"

"Repeating it isn't going to change my response, Jane. I know. I know how you feel. I just didn't know how you felt about how you were feeling towards me."

_What?_

"Okay, back up. One more time?"

"I knew how you felt toward me; I just didn't know how you felt about your feelings. I didn't know how strong your feelings were, whether they were stronger than your feelings for Beck or not."

"So, you kne-"

"Jane!"

"No, Maura. You knew? For how long?"

"Well, I had suspicions for a while, but I've only really known for about 9 and half months."

"Wait... that's when I told you about Beck... before our argument? Before the engagement, and the wedding? If you knew, why didn't you say anything?"

"I could see how you felt about Beck, and how Beck felt about you. I couldn't break you two up just so I could have you for myself..."

_Ohh... wait... what?_

"Hang on, for yourself? I don't understand... do you... you know..."

Suddenly, Maura is across the room and in front of me.

She leans towards me and moves her mouth across my jaw, just barely brushing it with her lips.

"Yes, Jane. I love you, too"

Even after the shock of her declaration of love, I still somehow manage to move her face to meet mine. Our lips collide, skipping past the chaste, tentative, explorative kisses. I thread my hands through her hair as she runs her tongue over my bottom lip, a request she didn't have to make. I opened my mouth and kissed her deeper.

I kicked off my stupid wedding shoes and stumbled a little and felt Maura smile into the kiss. I broke it off for a moment.

"Shut up."

She giggled and pulled my lips back to hers. Eventually we ended up on the couch, making out like teenagers. Somehow she's lost her shirt and my jacket and tie have ended up discarded somewhere.  
_We should talk about this. Oh, now I sound like Maura, jeez. But we should talk about it. Then again, I like this. She smells like apricot. And she's warm. Maybe we should talk about this later._

Maura makes an adorable little whimpering noise as I attempt to pull away.

_Yeah...later will be fine._

As if on cue, there's a knock at the door.

"Ignore it," I mumble into the kiss.

Maura pulls away anyway. She looks adorable. A flush spread across her chest, her lips swollen and her hair messy.

"Jane, it could be important, you did just run away from your wedding, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah... that."

Suddenly, I'm a lot more aware of what's going on. There's another knock at the door.

"Jane, will you go? I seem to be shirtless,"

Reluctantly, I make her move so I can go to the door. I hear her giggle behind me.

I turn and see Bass making his way across the kitchen floor, Maura's shirt on his back. She shoots me an adorable smile as I walk away. Her smile triggers a smile on my face, and I swing the door open.

"Hello..." I say cheerfully before seeing who is on the other side of the door. I take in the figure on the threshold.

"Oh... fuck."

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**_A/N - _**_So, did you like it? I'm already writing the next chapter, which will be the last. I don't know when it'll be up because its a longer chapter, but in the mean time you could maybe leave a review? (hint hint?) Hope the cliff hanger doesn't annoy you too much, who do you reckon is on the other side of that door? It might not be who you think!_

_Thanks for reading! Hope you'll stick around for the ending!:) _


	8. Revealing

_**A/N - Disclaimer, I don't own anything except Beck, Chris (new OC) and the plotline...**_

_Okay guys, this is it! Last chapter...I'll have more to say at the end (when don't I?!) so, for now, I hope you enjoy this chapter. _

_Oh, and shoutout to my beta Rae D. Magdon, who has been awesome throughout this whole process, a great beta, couldn't have done it without._

_Oh, and there's a totally unexpected bit in this chapter, prep yourselves!_

_And now for the chapter..._

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The last person I expected to see right now was stood on the other side of the door. I had expected to see Ma or Beck, maybe even Frost or one of Beck's bridesmaids. From the moment they met me they had made it very clear that they didn't want me to marry Beck, so if it if they now knew I'd run from the wedding I know they'd have something to say about it. So when I opened the door to Beck's older brother, I was caught completely off guard.

"Chris?" I tried not to sound scared, but the fear in my voice was apparent.

"Don't worry, Jane; I'm not here to beat the crap out of you, although I probably should. I can't believe it! God, Jane, she's pretty broken up about this, you know?"

"I know, Chris. I honestly wish there was a better way, but I hope that one day she'll understand. I don't expect her to ever forgive me."

I hear Maura behind me, picking her shirt up from Bass. She puts it on and appears beside me in the hallway. I go to introduce her, but Chris beats me too it.

"Maura, I assume?" he extends his hand.

Maura politely returns the gesture, but even without looking at her, I know she's lost.

"Beck told me you would probably be at Maura's house. I spent a while asking people who Maura was and finally I got an address from your partner. I would have asked Beck, but as you can imagine, she was a little too upset to give me directions."

"Oh, I see. Well, that was kind of Frost. Did you speak to-"

I hastily cut Maura off.

"Not the time, Maura. Chris, how did Beck know I'd be here? And where's everyone else? I would have thought Ma would be here by now."

"I don't know, Beck didn't say much just that you would probably be with Maura, at her house or something. And when I went round asking people about Maura's address, I made sure that people thought that I was picking something up, so no one would think to follow me here. Currently Beck and I are the only ones who know where you are. But I assume someone else will figure it out."

"Oh." I have so much more that I want say, but as hard as I try, I just can't get the words to come out.

Fortunately, Maura takes over for me. "Chris, I apologize for the situation and the timing, but I have to ask, why are you here?"

"I came to beat the crap out of Jane -" he responds, a little too quickly. I flinch at the words. "But on the way over I knew I couldn't do that to Jane, as much as she hurt my sister, Beck had it coming. Honestly Jane, I actually thought you'd be more pissed at her than to just walk away. I know if I'd found out my fiancée was doing drugs and figured marrying a cop would keep her safe, I'd have been yelling and all sorts of shit!"

It takes a few moments for the words to come together in my head. "What? Drugs? Marrying a cop for safety? What the hell are you on about? I left Beck today because I didn't love her."

Chris immediately looks panicked, then as the pieces fell into place, his face suddenly clouds with anger. "She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what, Chris?"

"About the drugs and things?"

"No? What drugs and things? Will you just explain this? Please?"

"What do you already know?"

"Nothing. No one's mentioned anything about drugs to me."

"Oh, I see, I told her to come see you about this! God, I can't believe it. She told me this morning things were sorted between you two, she said you didn't care! I knew I shouldn't have believed her, you're a cop, of course you care..."

I cut him off quickly. "Chris! Do you think you could fill me in a little here?"

"Oh, right. Okay, so about a year and a half ago Beck got into some real bad company. She started doing drugs and selling 'em. My Dad and me found out and told her to stop, or we would turn her in. She swore she'd stopped and then when she started dating you I figured she must have, because she'd never have been stupid enough to do that and be dating you. Then, about a week ago, I found out she never stopped, she carried on behind all our backs. She was pretty high when I found her at her place, she said something about you always cancelling for one reason or another, and you were still pretty broken up about a fight with Maura. Beck finally spilled and said that if she were married to a cop, once she had you wrapped around her little finger, you'd keep her safe from all her drug charges and shit. Otherwise, your career would go down for marrying a drug dealer. I told her to come over and explain. This morning she told me she'd explained everything, and you were okay with it. I guess she lied to us all."

As Chris's words start to settle, I feel my world start to crumble. I can't believe I never saw it. I can't believe I didn't put the pieces together. All the missed calls, being over protective over her bag and jacket, never letting me go to her place uninvited. I can't believe I didn't know. I nearly lost everything for this girl. It started with Maura, but I could have lost my job, my family, everything! I feel the anger inside start to bubble up. Maura puts a comforting hand on my back. I know I can't just sit back and let her walk away from this unscathed. She hasn't lost anything.

"Where is she?'

Chris snaps his head when my voice breaks the silence.

"Where is she right now, Chris?" I repeat.

"I think she's at the beach still? She locked herself in her room, wouldn't come out."

I whirl around the living room and grab my tie and jacket before walking by Chris to my car. I get in and grab my gun and badge from the glove compartment, snapping them onto my belt and waiting a moment. Maura quickly gets in my car and I drive towards the beach.

The drive is silent; neither of us knows what to say. Once we arrive, I find Frost and Korsak and quickly brief them on the situation. After a series of questions and shocked looks, we quickly find ourselves outside Beck's room.

The arrest is pretty quick. She confesses, and with the amount of drugs found in her bag I know that I probably won't see her again. I know Frost and Korsak will deal with the rest of it for me. I'm also pretty sure that even if they weren't planning on it, Cavanaugh would have at least one of them keep an eye on the case until it's all over.

Once we're a back at Maura's, I collapse on her couch with a beer in my hand. I don't know what to make of today. Yesterday I was fighting with Maura and I had a fiancée. Now my fiancée is looking at a drug charge and I don't even know what I am with Maura.

Maura goes for a shower; I think she knows I need time alone with my thoughts. Problem is, over the past few months, I've spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts, and more often than not, they are accompanied by a bottle of alcohol and a restless night on my couch. Somehow, I think if Maura found me asleep on her couch with beer bottles everywhere, she'd be less than impressed.

I am brought back to reality by my phone ringing. It takes me a moment to dig it out of my jacket. I check the caller ID and groan. Ma is the last person I want to talk to now. Well, besides Beck. I hit ignore and type out a quick text.

_'I'm fine, got Maura and beer. Gonna go to bed soon, I'll call in the morning, night.'_

I click send and then silence my phone. I chuck it on the coffee table, not really caring where it goes.

I go into the kitchen and pour my beer away. Dashing up the stairs I hear the water turn off and I barely make it to Maura's bed before she comes out of the bathroom, wrapped only in a towel, which does not leave much to the imagination. To my surprise she doesn't acknowledge my presence.

She grabs underwear, a tank top and some shorts before disappearing back into the bathroom. I sit there for another moment, not sure what to make of what has just happened.

I get up and tap lightly on the bathroom door. Instead of a response, Maura, now fully clothed, swings the door open and walks by me.

"Maura?"

"Jane," she responds simply. It could be perceived as angry if not for the smile on her face. She grabs a book from the shelf and quickly settles in her bed.

I stand by the bathroom door, still confused.

Maura looks up after a moment, a smirk on her face.

"Coming to bed, detective?"

I blink, wait a beat and then cross the room in a few long strides.

I sit on the edge of the bed, still not sure. "Honestly, Jane, I never thought I'd have to lead in our relationship! The whole time I've know you, you've never been one to stop and ask questions?"

"I, err, I'm just not sure where you want me?"

"Well, I'm sure I can think of a few places..." Maura responds quickly with a wink. Her eyes are darker than I've ever seen them.

I am taken aback by her response; I'd never known her to be so forward.

I stare at her, clearly stunned. Maura immediately begins to panic when I don't respond.

"Jane, I'm sorry... I just figured -"

"No! Don't worry about it. I just wasn't expecting such a response from you! Doesn't mean I don't want to go there, though."

With that, I crawl up the bed towards Maura, who places her book on the bedside table and kicks off the sheets in anticipation.

She leans up towards me when I get to the top of the bed, and my lips meet hers halfway. She doesn't ask my permission to deepen the kiss this time. I smiled into the kiss when her hands find their way under my tank top.

_I could do this forever..._

_-end._

* * *

_And its over! Thank you so much for reading it! I know that bit about Beck, totally didn't see that coming, did you? Well, I hope you liked the fic, and the twist at the end. But, ya know, let me know? Whether you liked it, or really hated it, I can take it! I'm totally up for constructive criticism! Anyway, now this is over feel free to check out my other fics or my tumblr - - and like annoy me on there, I don't mind..._

_This could well be my final fic, or at least it will be for a while. I've got a Grey's Anatomy/Rizzoli & Isles crossover and an NCIS fic that i'm working on, but I don't know if I'll post them. So i'll see you guys around the review pages in the Rizzles fandom. Bye!:) _


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